cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
