im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
