Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
