She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
