So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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