Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
