I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
