I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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