how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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