I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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