sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
