no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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