I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
