remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
