you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
