sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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