i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
