Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
