she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
