saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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