Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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