I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god