There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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