You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.