So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.