Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
