Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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