he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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