so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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