The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
