Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
