I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
