Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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