There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
