Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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