o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
