Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
