You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
