is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
