so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
