We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
