I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
