Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
