Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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