We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
where are you?
Hypothermia
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
