i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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