Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
