The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
