i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
