she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Randomize
