Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
