he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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