Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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