If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
