How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
