my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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