So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
