Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
