I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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