Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
