i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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