I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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