Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
