Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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