I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
