it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
