You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
