garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This is not my ceiling
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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