Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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