idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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