how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
