the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
