Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Randomize
