remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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