Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She announced her abortion via fbk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
