i was born a porn star she said
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this boner is exhausting
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
