He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
