i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
