i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
