don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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