Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
